Understanding ADHD Consistency - Why is it so difficult?

podcast 4 - consistency [00:00:00] What's up. Everybody is episode four of the podcast, powerful possibilities, ADHD, newly diagnosed. And beyond. ADHD coach Catherine. And I cannot wait to share with you some new ways to think about consistency and ADHD, adulthood. One of the challenges that we have as adults is consistency. And I have got at least half a dozen books on how to be consistent, how to build habits. Tiny habits and so on, and these are fantastic books, but I have found over the course of my life that. It's just not enough to know that I have to be consistent. And I know from feedback that this is something you experienced too. And I thought let's have a look at it. on the podcast. Thank you again for the lovely feedback, but the last few episodes. I'm really enjoying, getting to know you and hearing your questions. Keep sending them in. You can send them through my social media. I'm, usually ADHD [00:01:00] underscore coach underscore Katherine, and I'm on Instagram Tik TOK the usual places. So let's think about consistency. and, what does that actually mean? I think one of the first things we have to do is acknowledge how difficult consistency is. If you have an ADHD diagnosis and there are neurological reasons for that. Okay. You're not just. Not trying hard enough, which is often a message that we internalize quite early on. It's definitely a question of. Our brain just doesn't do consistency in the same way. And it's very much a neurologically based difference. So let's drop the shame at the door and shame is the topic of our next podcast, which is quite handy. And I want to introduce at the end of today's podcast. Different way to think about things that I think could be a real game changer for you and for other people in your life. Who you might be struggling with, especially if you are. No NAD. ADHD person who's [00:02:00] living with somebody that isn't very consistent. What is consistency? Consistency is the quality of achieving a level of performance, which doesn't VAD greatly overtime. And this is. Obviously a dictionary definition. But in practical terms, it means that we can keep the same standard. Or repeat a particular task with fairly little variation from day to day and for some jobs that's really essential, right? You want to maintain consistency and things like brain surgery. For podcasting it's not quite the same. But you may also need to arrive at work on time. You may need to follow through on your projects. And in the same way, every time you might have a strict routine. in your job or in your home. And in terms of our career being consistent is generally related or seen as being related. To being reliable and professional. [00:03:00] And. I have, thoughts about. What professional means, but in terms of careers, it's crucial. If we want to build a good reputation that we're not fleeky we don't forget stuff. Our performance isn't too variable. So long term career goals and it. Can all be affected by our ability to appear consistent, which is showing up on time doing the same thing to the same standard. In terms of relationships. Consistently showing up and catering and being reliable is very, very important for most people in a relationship. And especially if you have kids around it's crucial, right. Kids need consistency. They need to know that. You're always going to be there that you are reliable. That they have a consistent routine at home and for parents, especially them being caregiver. This can be a real problem. If we are ADHD and unsupported. And obviously in terms of health, this is something that I struggle with right now. And I'm working on it. [00:04:00] Being consistent and our routines around diet health. Exercise and especially sleep is crucial for our longterm wellbeing and these are significant. Things like, you know, your heart health, your bone density, your neurological output when you're older, this neurological reserve that people are talking about. No. The problem is that because we have ADHD brains. We're more likely to struggle with things like consistency. And repeating the same thing over and over again. We have problems with working memory and with impulse control. So all of those things that we've just talked about are going to be much more difficult if you have ADHD. It's not to say that we can't achieve them. But it needs a different approach and it needs a lot more effort on our part. And this thing is a neuro-typical people. Don't generally have to think about this stuff to the same extent. Lots of them may struggle with parts of it. [00:05:00] But we struggle more globally, more consistently. More often. And that is the key difference. They. Don't have to think about their routine over and over. And once it's set up for lots of people, It becomes a standard way of operating an SOP. If you like. , And we know from studies, I will mention in the show notes and drop into underneath here that it's one of the reasons why people with ADHD struggle with under or unemployment, because our. Consistency. Luke's different. It's just not very neurotypically consistent. And again, we knew that. Divorce rates in ADHD, marriages and relationships. Breakups are much more common. And I would take a guess, at least some of that is down to a perceived lack of reliability and inconsistency along with our impulsivity and other challenges that come from. That's right. The executive dysfunction. [00:06:00] Um, and these are core deficits and they are a deficit, or we wouldn't be talking about them. So let's not pretend. They don't exist. Things that other people might take for granted, like. Just being able to do the same thing every day. To take care of yourself and your family. We need to make an effort for. And we can do them. But there are ways to adjust how we approach them. And so today we're going to look at some typical recommendations. And I'm going to talk a little bit more about medication because the data shows that medication does make consistency easier for us to achieve not guaranteed, but easier. And at the end, I want to talk about. A really lovely strategy I've been using. And I think you'll enjoy it. Only some adults with ADHD are going to struggle with inconsistency. And if you are consistent about things, it doesn't mean that you don't have ADHD. It's like saying that everyone with ADHD [00:07:00] responds the same way to medication it's patently not true. So there are only going to be a group of us who struggle with consistency. So let's get thatout of the way for a start. And we also know that one of the things that we're really good at is thinking in creative leaps, creative problem solving. Focusing very intensely. And being resilient. And none of these are necessarily related to being able to show up at your job on time. But they can make us really fantastic. At our job. And it's one of the reasons why people with ADHD are entrepreneurs. So I think one of the reasons we do that is because we can create our own definition of success. And our own definition of success and getting the job done. may look quite different. And for some employers, that's going to be a real challenge. What can we do if we do have a problem with inconsistency and we have ADHD. Let's have a look [00:08:00] at some of the strategies that you're likely to hear more commonly. There are lots of self-management tools and I wish I could say that there was an app. Or a service or something that would really wave a magic wand and make it easy for us to be consistent. But it comes down to self-management. And let's look at some tools of those and see which one you want to try. . These can be incredibly effective. And it's worth giving them a try and having a library to select from. Obviously, I'm going to say the ADHD coaching can be very effective. There is data that shows it's really helpful for a especially college students. Those are the main studies at the moment, and we know that it helps because we can. Encourage people to see their strengths. And to feel better about themselves. And it might not sound like that's related to consistency. But if you feel terrible about yourself, It's hard to make yourself do things [00:09:00] that don't come naturally or easily. Or our enjoyable. And one of the benefits of having an ADHD coach and I have an ADHD coach. Is that you have someone who will cheer you on and who will applaud the progress you're making with things that feel. 'meh', to us. Right? So it's a real benefit. They can help us to identify goals that we want to achieve and get clear about them. And they can really help us to finish things. And I know that the last 20% is always a pain, right. It's always the hardest part is the last 20%. Once we get started, it's usually okay. The last bit, total pain and a coach can help you with all of that. But I would say that right. The other things we can try. are self-regulation I'm a huge fan of self-regulation mindfulness, emotional intelligence, all of these things, because [00:10:00] there's evidence that they work and I will include papers in the show notes. So self-regulation doesn't mean that we are super calm and chill. It just means we can manage our behavior emotions and our thoughts. In pursuit of our long term goals. Self-regulation quite important. And the way to do that? Is things like mindfulness. Monitoring yourself and building up your emotional regulation through , things like mindfulness. And other strategies. They help us to move towards long-term goals. Instead of being blown off course. If we have a really terrible day. Everybody has a terrible day. And this doesn't mean that because you have ADHD, you're not allowed to have a terrible D. And change your mind. Things are stressful and I will occasionally see do you know what I'm going to go and get so chips. Is that in line with my longterm goal? No. Does it meet the need of the moment for something that's really quick? And it doesn't take any [00:11:00] time. Yes. What have they done to replace that habit? I now have a freezer full of healthy, frozen food. Is it as good? No, but it's there. And so I've got that backup. So finding a way to navigate your own emotional and practical needs. Is a crucial part of consistency in terms of a long term goal. And of course we do have to talk about time management. Not everyone with ADHD struggles with time awareness. Some of us are super aware of time and tend to be very early. Some of us. Easy. It was, he. And if you are an easy kind of person for, can you do. To manage time, because again, people care if we don't show up on time, whether that's for a partner. New relationship, picking your kid up from school. I know so many moms with ADHD who have legitimately forgotten or being consistently late. So you're not [00:12:00] alone. Um, but these things matter. So what can you do about time management? There are a gazillion apps. I don't even think that's an exaggeration right now. There are so many apps out there. My favorite is good. Old timer. And my Google calendar. And setting alarms for myself based on my Google calendar, on the jobs in there. But there are lots to try. And so. Try one. If it doesn't work, it's no big deal. Try the next one. And the. The idea is that. By practicing these things and becoming more consistent with them over time. We can encourage ourselves to build up that muscle. And I think there is a, Reference and one of the Huberman podcast episodes. That. Actually explains that. The more, we force ourselves to do something that we're not really excited about. The easier it gets to do those things in future. There is an argument. For making yourself do things. [00:13:00] But I think in the context of the last thing I'm going to discuss. We could reframe that in a much more. exciting ADHD friendly way. And of course there is habit stacking. This is one that lots of people really enjoy. I've had mixed success with it. Personally, but hey we've got to try everything. Okay. So the idea of habit stacking is that you add a new habit. Onto an existing one to build a chain of linked behavior. And this can be really helpful if you have got a well established habit. Like brushing your teeth. And again, that's not something we all can do easily. But if you can, and you want to add on something else to that. Routine. Having a habit that you already manage. And adding something on to that is really powerful. So habit stacking is definitely something to play with . There are behavioral modification techniques. And these are, again, things that you can work on with a coach. With a therapist, a counselor, [00:14:00] because sometimes these are related more to. Therapy type problems and coaches should not be going anywhere near therapy type problems. Unless or elsewhere therapist. SO things like behavior modification. Are things like adjusting your self-talk. Making sure you have rewards. And that there are consequences. now, Consequences and rewards. We will come to in another episode because it's huge. But self-talk is something that you can begin to work on right now. And it is related to the last thing I'm going to look at today. And one of the great things about these is that you can do them yourself. You are in control. And I think learning to control how you talk to under boat yourself is one of the most powerful things you can do. Whether you have ADHD or not. Because. Nobody wants to help someone who's permanently mean to them. So, if you are permanently mean to yourself, I'm sorry, it's going to be [00:15:00] much harder to feel good about doing something that's a bit challenging or a bit boring. And underneath the episode in the show notes, which are linked from the website, you will find studies that backup all of these strategies that we have looked at so far. And of course, we need to talk about medication and consistency because medication fundamentally changes our brain chemistry. And one of the reasons we struggle with consistency is that neurological difference. So the fluctuations in attention that we experience are part of ADHD. It's a core element and medications stabilizes them. Not for everyone. And different medications work on different things. But certainly overall. Attention is stabilized by medication. And this makes it much easier to have a stable level throughout the day, at least until they wear off. So that we can tackle things that require attention [00:16:00] are more difficult and that we would struggle to do consistently well, The other thing that medication does is it can help improve our executive function. So planning prioritization. Following through on tasks, all of these key components of consistent work and life management are improved with the right medication and the right dose. Medication can also reduce our variability. No, completely, because we're not robots. We're humans. But if you have a very variable performance medication can level that out a bit. And I think of it a bit like. When I used to take antidepressants. when they work. They take the edge off the bottom of your moods so that you still are able to experience some variation because you're a human being, not a robot. But it provides you with some consistency. Do you like how I did that? And certainly in a professional setting, in an academic setting. In your home, it [00:17:00] matters to be a bit more predictable. Of course medication can help us to stick to routines. Like taking our medication. Brushing our teeth and all of these day-to-day activities. And finally, one of the things that medication has been shown to help with is working towards a goal and goal directed behavior is something that we struggle with a bit more because. Again with time it's either. now or it's just, it can be any time. Not relevant and it's harder for us to maintain that. Goal-directed focus on things that are further away. And generally things that are really worth working for are going to be further away than we are easily able to hold. in our brains. This isn't true for everyone. I'm generalizing here again, but I want you to think about. The benefits of medication, there are risks. Always see your doctor, your medical provider, do not share a medication, behave responsibly with it because there are risks [00:18:00] and you should not take it lightly. But it has got a significant impact on our ability to be consistent. And of course, That is the whole point of this episode. Finally, and this is the thing I've been building up through that I've been desperate to share with you. It's reframing the idea of consistency. And what consistency. Feels like. When you think of consistency, does it make you feel excited? Does it make you feel happy and hopeful? Does it remind you of times in the past when you've not been successful? I want to share with you something different. This is a strategy. by Ben Zander . And it's called giving yourself an a, and if you want to go and read Ben's book, the art of possibility. I highly recommend it. The audio book is fabulous because you get to hear his amazing voice. And, he's incredible. Giving yourself an a is one of his [00:19:00] cornerstones. And it can really change how you feel about yourself. Your performance, your consistency and other people. So let's have a look at what is giving yourself an a. . It's moving from the world of measurement. Into the world of possibility. It means letting go of your past judgments. And your failures. And where the traditional ideas of for a success is, are put to one side. And you are given an A in advance no matter what you've done before. You have an A from the beginning? It's a symbolic A if you like. And it's a boat starting from success. Lots of us start from a place where we feel defective. Where we feel broken. Where we might feel like failures. And when you give yourself an A, you start from an A a success top of the class. And there's a really good reason to do this. Because your past struggles. [00:20:00] And your failures, if you like. Are not t he predictor that they could be. Or that they are seen us. Your past problems are know about what you're going to do in the future, because you are now an A and it doesn't matter if you're at work. If you're at school, if you're at home. Or if your children. At at home, your teenagers, your partner. - give them an A because they are going to succeed. They are inherently capable and accomplished. You might be thinking, wait a minute, Katherine. That's not true. This person's let me down. And this person argues back. I have failed. I have let people down. I can't do this. I'm not an, a. But I want you to think about. What would change if you were an a, what would you do differently? How would you act? How would you feel about yourself? And how would you feel about others? If they already had an, a. So to give yourself an A, I want you to think about. Success. And visualize [00:21:00] what it looks like. When ADHD is just a part of you, and it's not the thing that you focus on all the time. I want, and this might sound a bit. Wild coming from an ADHD coach, but. You are first and foremost, a whole creative and resourceful human being. And your ADHD is just part of that. It's an important part. And it affects lots of things. But beyond all of that, you are a wonderful human being. And you deserve that A so when you have that A. And imagine visualize write it down. Really get detailed about what life is likenow that you are an a. And when you're visualizing writing down detailing this picture of success with ADHD, just as part of your life, not in control anymore. I want you to. Feel that ease and that enjoyment. That adventurous. Awareness of [00:22:00] the possibilities out there. Right now. And then, and this is something that you can do, I did, it is amazing. Actually rate yourself for later. Date it a year from now, and you can schedule it to be sent to yourself by email. Or you could send it to me and I will send it back to you, but it might be a bit personal. So you don't have to. And I want you to describe. Everything you have achieved. Because you're an A since you gave yourself a an A. What are all the things that you've been able to achieve? And it's not the person you're becoming. But the person who you are. And it's definitely not the person that you have been. I want you to. Acknowledge that you are going to grow and change, but it's not going to be in a straight lane. A students are A students not because they have made a straight line from failure to success. It's going to look different and it's going to be. Exciting. And varied and that is ok [00:23:00] and I want you to. Embrace that variability instead of demanding that you do the same thing every day. in a Fairly neurotypical expectation. And it's about acknowledging the effort and the progress that you make every day. Even if you can't see it, if you know that you are trying, it doesn't matter if it's not visible yet. It's the effort. The energy that you're putting into that change, to that growth, that's going to make a difference. And I want you to think about how this is going to change your whole perspective. About yourself, about other people, about your motivation, their motivation, their goals. Because it's asking you to focus on your strengths. Rather than limitations. It's about your possibilities rather than your past mistakes. The reason that giving yourself an A works so well is because it shifts your focus. And it gives you a real sense of power. It's all about empowerment. A [00:24:00] lot of coaches talk about empowerment and I think, well, what does that mean? It means you. are the person in control. And there are always going to be circumstances where would objectively know in control. And I will never tell you that circumstances are neutral. Total nonsense. That you are the person who has the power. Is empowered. By understanding that you are an, a. in whatever you do from now on. And it's up to you to define what that A feels like, what you do with A it also gives you. An opportunity to practice more. Self-compassion. And to understand where the ADHD might be slightly in the way right now. And because of that extra space, because of that empowerment. You're able to use the ADHD and the creative problem solving part of your brain to n ip around the side of whatever's in the way. We can't do that when we feel [00:25:00] pressured when we feel shame, when we feel guilt, when we feel like failures, None of those things help you to solve your problems. Giving yourself an a doesn't mean that your problems are going to disappear. But it does mean that you have the mental and emotional space. to think Okay. What can I do? Giving yourself an A isn't about ignoring the challenges of ADHD. It's about changing the narrative our story. From a focus on our inconsistency. Our perceived failure. The way other people see us as. Negative. And understanding that we are an A we can do incredible things. We are powerful. Lots of things are possible. It's about. A commitment to see yourself. Through a new pair of glasses and I don't have my pineapple glasses here. It's about seeing yourself. Through compassion. And possibility. One of the people I [00:26:00] haven't mentioned so far is Thomas J Leonard and he was was crucial to the foundation of coaching. And he talks in his 28 rules about becoming irresistibly attractive to yourself. And the way we do that isn't necessarily by a new haircut or a new set of clothes. It's about focusing on your own strengths. And your passions instead of external measures of success. And so giving yourself an A fits in really nicely with this idea of. Focusing on our strengths within you, rather than the fact that it's difficult to become consistent. And finally, I want to leave you with this. What if consistency isn't just about being there at the same time every day. Showing up and doing the same job every day, having the same level of performance. What if consistency is actually just about a commitment. Towards a path of growth. And change.[00:27:00] What if consistency is about working towards what matters most. And the path isn't going to be straight. One of my amazing clients says there's no straight line in nature.. But consistency is about identifying what matters most. And. Heading towards that. No matter what Here are three more practical ADHD, friendly strategies that I personally really enjoy. One is micro actions. And if you've read Tiny habits, it's very similar to the idea. We commit to the smallest possible amount of change that we hardly even notice. And that we can do consistently without effort. And that will take us closer to our goal and I'll include a link to tiny habits down below, and also a tiny habits coach who I know is amazing. And shout out to Catherine. Different Catherine. The other things that can help is identifying your values and values sound airy-fairy. Not important. [00:28:00] but if a goal. Or a job that you're doing is in line with your values. It's much easier to show up and do it. And that is because we need meaning. For us to be motivated. If a job doesn't have meaning. If a thing we're doing doesn't feel meaningful and important. Personally, it feels like I'm literally trying to drag myself through mud. It's just so hard. If something is meaningful and I care passionately about it. Absolutely. No problem. And so when you understand your values, you can then look at tasks that you don't see an obvious meaning for and connect it to something that is important. So for me, One of my values. Strongest values is family. And for family, I think of safety. And so to be consistent with my value of safety for my family. I have to be consistent about my work. About showing up about sending invoices. About creating [00:29:00] content. Because the reason it matters isn't because I love talking to you, which I do genuinely love. Connecting with people online and social media. But it's because it matters to my family and my family are my most important value. So, if you haven't worked at what your values are, get in touch. And one of my groups that we're going to be working through our values in the next few weeks. And that brings me to the last thing that I have found really valuable. And that is community and support. There is a real power. in being with a group of people who also have ADHD. And who get it. Who really fundamentally understand. Why it's harder for us. Why we struggle and it's not because we don't care. And I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard that people saying, I don't care. We do care passionately. But people don't understand. And so being in a community with people that get it. Also helps because we can lean on each other. [00:30:00] And I found it that really makes a big difference. One of my goals with my groups that are starting in the next few weeks is to create that community. To help you to find people who are passionatebut who also understand the power of possibility in ADHD. I want to thank you for sticking with me while we've looked at. Consistency. And productivity ideas, which I think should be different. I hope that understanding what giving yourself an A means to you. And I want to hear what you think about it. But I also want you to go away and think about. How can I connect? What I'm doing. And what I find difficult to do consistently with my values. If you want to know more about values, get in touch with me. Contact me through the form on my website, under the podcast page. Or you can send me a message on social media. I really look forward to. Being here next week. And I hope that you've enjoyed this episode as much as I have. I'm [00:31:00] ADHD coach Katherine. And this is all about you. Understanding the powerful possibilities we have, whether we are newly diagnosed with ADHD. Or not.

Show Notes

Episode Transcript

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